4 out of 5
Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn
This was a very interesting and thought provoking read. I do agree that our ultimate goal for raising children is to get them to be self motivated, to do good without always expecting a reward, but this book left me confused. Kohn states that any consequence to a behavior is a punishment or a reward. If we say "Boys that clean up toys get to have a story before bed" is considered a reward for a behavior. Kohn suggests that instead
1. We can talk to the child and tell them what they did was wrong and how to change their behavior.
2. We can examine the behavior and try to find the underlying cause. Is there something we can change about the situation? Are we contributing to it in any way? Is the child trying to communicate to us through their (wrong) choices?
3. Have the child evaluate their own behavior. How do they think they are doing? Are they improving in any areas? What can they work on?
4. What can we change about the situation?
Kohn calls this approach “working with” rather than “doing to”. And he urges parents and teachers to keep in mind their long term goals for children, such as helping them grow into responsible and caring people, rather than on short-term goals, such as obedience.
Read a great review here http://www.blog.montessoriforeveryone.com/are-kids-punished-by-rewards.html
3 out of 5
Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn
This book left me SO confused. Kohn tells us what not to do, but no "how to." In theory this sounds fantastic, being able to change a child's bad behavior through calm talk only, but what do you do when they just keep doing the same hurtful thing over and over and over? Is it really wrong to finally put a child in time out to let them know that people don't want to be around others who hurt them?
For those of you who have read this book please let me know your thoughts, success or failures in an email. I would love to hear. My email is ajapan2003@yahoo.com
Let me just say that when we applied this technique for two weeks with our young toddler boys they ended up acting out, taking advantage of us and being more disobedient than ever! They knew there would be no consequences for their actions...just mom and dad "talking" to them.
To read a great review and explanation of this book read http://www.positive-parenting-ally.com/unconditional-parenting.html
The next three books I consider a parent's "Parenting Bible Set." I know that there are many different parenting books because every child communicates differently, but these books apply to every child and every adult. As we have applied what we have learned from these books not only has our relationship improved with our children and behavior issues diminished but our marriage relationship has been strengthened. Our life has become simplified and I have found more joy in being a parent. I can't recommend these books enough.
5 out of 5 for all three books below
Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn
This book left me SO confused. Kohn tells us what not to do, but no "how to." In theory this sounds fantastic, being able to change a child's bad behavior through calm talk only, but what do you do when they just keep doing the same hurtful thing over and over and over? Is it really wrong to finally put a child in time out to let them know that people don't want to be around others who hurt them?
For those of you who have read this book please let me know your thoughts, success or failures in an email. I would love to hear. My email is ajapan2003@yahoo.com
Let me just say that when we applied this technique for two weeks with our young toddler boys they ended up acting out, taking advantage of us and being more disobedient than ever! They knew there would be no consequences for their actions...just mom and dad "talking" to them.
To read a great review and explanation of this book read http://www.positive-parenting-ally.com/unconditional-parenting.html
The next three books I consider a parent's "Parenting Bible Set." I know that there are many different parenting books because every child communicates differently, but these books apply to every child and every adult. As we have applied what we have learned from these books not only has our relationship improved with our children and behavior issues diminished but our marriage relationship has been strengthened. Our life has become simplified and I have found more joy in being a parent. I can't recommend these books enough.
5 out of 5 for all three books below
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